In November 2017, whilst out on a walking meditation, I had a sexual and spiritual awakening. Energy erupted from within me and my body began rippling in waves of orgasmic pleasure in a way that I didn’t even know was possible. I had come home to my body and her sensations and in doing so my entire being expanded. A deep connection to myself and to source ignited and my life has not been quite the same ever since.
Generally we’re not taught what is possible when it comes to sexuality, especially female sexuality, unless we do a little digging. I certainly knew nothing about awakening, that was for Buddhist monks, right…not a 30 something Family Support Worker from Surrey. I was also completely unaware of the connection between sexuality and spirituality.
Expansion and Contraction
The period following my initial opening was actually a little scary. My body felt completely out of my control, it would shake and convulse and move into yogic postures beyond what my mind could understand, the energy within me had an intelligence and will of its own… even in the middle of the night whilst I was asleep! It was really intense feeling my body become so alive.
As the energy began to calm, I was on top of the world, I had multiple layers of holding from my 18 month tantra training, from living in community and a new found inner love which made me feel radiant from the inside out.
But alas with every expansion, there is also a period of contraction that follows. It was a tough transition to be pulled back inward after such a peak experience. I realise now that this pulsing of expansion and contraction is normal and an important opportunity for integration to take place. Just likes the patterns we see in nature, in flowers and the outer seasons, we open and we close and then open again.
The aftermath of awakening has been about grounding and building a relationship with this new sensitivity and energy that flows within me. Is it kundalini, is it life-force, is it sexual energy, is it prana, or are they all just the same thing? Why is my body shaking and contorting in these crazy, intense and quite bizarre ways? Is it orgasmic or is it trauma releasing, or is my body using its natural resources to bring my nervous system back into balance? Is my nervous system trying to tell me something? All questions that have fed a thirsty curiosity to understanding myself and my sexuality further.
The fabulous Isis Leor once said that having a kundalini awakening is like a self cleaning oven for your nervous system. I really understand that, my system has been completely shaken and layers of gunk have been stripped from my body, landing myself in a completely new way of being. I’ve needed to make huge life changes to support me in the process, leaving my career, changing my diet and stepping away from relationships…. all guided by the voice of my nervous system and the deeper truth of my heart.
So…How Did I Open?
My journey of opening wasn’t all love and light….it was predominantly about coming home to my body and starting to feel. Feeling my pain, unpacking my trauma, my anger, my arousal, my hearts longing, my attachment patterns. Feeling it all after a lifetime of being disconnected and dissociated from my body. I courageously followed the call of my heart and each therapist, workshop, training and retreat held an important piece to my sexual healing and awakening puzzle.
Psychosexual Somatics Therapy
I then discovered Psychosexual Somatics after watching Sexology, a fantastic documentary film which tracks a woman’s journey of sexual healing and awakening. Mike Lousada was one of the practitioners in the film and I followed his work for a couple of years before signing up for his training.
Psychosexual Somatics Therapy (or PST for short) held a vitally important piece of my puzzle. I got a deeper appreciation of my awakening which was rooted in both science and spirituality. I opened further when I understood how my past impacts my adult relating, my sexuality, my ability to express and maintain boundaries, my connection to self and to source. I experienced the PST process in my mind by understanding, in my body through felt experience and then with emotional and energetic release by connecting to the parts of me that needed to be heard, felt, expressed and loved.
Does PST hold the next piece of your healing journey?
Sexuality is often the last area that people explore in their self development journey and yet it is such a core aspect of our being. It opens my heart to be able to offer this work, bringing the light of awareness to the areas that can block us from having the intimacy, sexuality and connection that is deeply longed for.
If you feel called to begin a journey of exploration together then you can book in for a complimentary 30 minute call to start unpacking your sex and intimacy challenges – https://calendly.com/eshanaspiers/30-minute-call